Somewhere along the line, I developed
the reputation of being a TV snob. I'm not gonna lie and say this
isn't sometimes true. Okay, most always true. I admit to having been
the geeky kid who was home watching stuff like "Hill Street Blues"
and "St. Elsewhere" and "30something" while my
friends were at the movies watching slasher flicks and romantic comedies
(yeah, I'm a movie snob, too).
But here's the thing… I am also
a lover of some of the cheesiest, most ridiculous television that
has ever aired. So I'm not really a snob so much as a connoisseur
of fine TV and quality cheese.
For instance, ask anyone who knew me
back when I was in grade school what my favorite show was. They'll
groan loudly and shake their heads and say, "Buck Rogers in the
25th Century." And they would be right. Because for real, nothing
made a night like Princess Ardala coming up with another plot to kidnap
Buck and make him love her while Colonel Wilma Deering tried to act
like she wasn't jealous as hell. Okay, I'll admit that I mostly wondered
why two totally kick-ass women were all gaga over Buck Rogers, who
wasn't cute at all and was damn near 540 years old, but still, loved
it. "Space Vampire" is still my all-time favorite episode,
and if you haven't seen it, let me tell you why it rules--a vampire
who sucks your soul out of your body… through his fingernails.
And, yes, I totally own it on video. (Anxiously waits for DVDs to
be less than 80 bucks.)
Times change, though, and a girl moves
on from one bit of cheesy goodness to another. And after Buck, there
was Matt… "Matt Houston." This is how ridiculously
nuts I was about this show--I was a varsity stat girl for the football
team and had to be gone on Friday nights, and MH aired on… Friday
nights. So I convinced my friend to get her mom to tape it for me
(why we didn't have a VCR that taped shows is a whole other bit of
dorkdom for another time) and then literally as soon as my friend's
parents got up Saturday morning, I was at their house watching it.
But come on, a millionaire playboy who's a P.I. as a hobby with a
computer in his living room that's hidden in a coffee table and is
better than any computer the CIA has ever seen? Good times! If only
Matt had stopped chasing all those floozies and fallen in love with
his Harvard educated lawyer and best friend C.J. Parsons (played by
the fabulous Pamela Hensley, who won me over for life as Princess
Ardala in my "Buck Rogers" days)… But like most boys
in fandom, Matt was dumb… and he kept dogging the good woman
for the ones I hated.
So you might be wondering about now
what the "beefcake" mentioned in the title has to do with
anything since I just keep focusing on the cheesy. Well, once upon
a time, I, accused TV snob, literally planned my Saturday afternoons
around… "Baywatch: Hawaii." I'm sorry, I know it's
shameful, but the power of Jason Brooks shirtless was too much for
a mortal girl to overcome. I'm weak, y'all, weak!
I've been known to endure some bad,
bad TV because of the beefcake. I'll watch Alec Baldwin in anything,
and when I say "anything" I mean this really awful, muddled
TV movie called "Dress Gray." Love me some Taye Diggs, but
did y'all see "Kevin Hill"? A mess of a show that really
couldn't make up its mind what it wanted to be about--but *I* saw
it because Taye was in it. And while it doesn't really qualify as
cheese or bad TV, I did endure a whole-day marathon to catch up with
"The 4400" just because I found out that Billy Campbell
(swoons) was in it. Now if only they'd get his shirt off him…
So, yes, I am a TV snob. But really,
find me a good cheesefest or tell me one of my Hottie McHot TV boyfriends
is in a show? I'll watch it… and I'll brag about it, too. Because
cheese is good for the soul… and beefcake… well, it's
sort of like chocolate when I'm in a bad mood, only with no calories.
Except now I want chocolate… damn
